Ketika Harus Menjadi Minoritas

Artikel ini ditulis tahun 2011, 6 tahun lalu, oleh sahabat baik, wartawan majalah Aulia. Pengalaman hidup di Hongaria ketika baru pindah. Ada hal-hal yang tidak berubah, ada juga yang sudah berbeda keadaanya dengan saat ini.

 

Goulash Pot - Integration and Equality Training : Chalenging our perspectives on Saturday afternoon.

If you think of Goulash you will think of a warm nice meat and vegetable mixture soup with a kick taste of paprika that satisfies your stomach. It is also what this training offers: a mix of multicultural experiences in one spot, where living in Hungary is the common spice and it will leave you with a warm feeling afterward.

I wasn't sure to join at first because I didn't know what to expect. But I met a previous participant, and based on her experience, she recommended it. I thought to give it a try and I thought it would be a good place to meet people

I joined the third training group. The training consisted of 4 sessions on Saturday afternoons. Four hours each session. I was thinking, what are we going to do for 4 hours?! Well, now I can say that I did not even think of time once I was engaged in the training. All the activities were fun, interactive and mind-boggling. They consisted of games, role play and watching movies with enough breaks between them. Every session had a packed schedule for different activities that gave us no time to be bored. And each of them was challenging our perspectives.

Lively discussions on every session (picture source Goulash Pot Facebook page)

My group was awesome. It consisted of around 12 people (different people came in a different session to make up the season they missed during the previous training). We come from different cultures and backgrounds. They were all open minded, fun and smart. The training had a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. It was led by two wonderful trainers, Julieta from Mexico and Dalma from Hungary. No cell phones were allowed during the training (but free wifi was available during the break) and they waited for each of participants to arrive before starting the season. (Nobody left behind.. :)

We shared and discussed various topics, many of them were sensitive and challenging. From being a foreigner in Hungary to sex. From heroes and heroines in our own country to marriage. We shared our opinions without being judged. It is not about right or wrong. It is only how we see things differently. The differences which were coming from the different knowledge and experiences of the participants about the subject.

On seeing ourselves and other when we are on the top or bottom of the society
(picture source Goulash Pot Facebook page)

One thing might be normal for us but it might not be for others. When we looked back, we realized it might be normal only because we got used to it. We were taught to think that way. For instance, in one of the activities, we were given a list of statements about men and women. We needed to think whether those statements were coming from the gender perspectives (the idea that was taught) or the sex (we are born like that).

We were challenged to think different ways whether what we thought of a man or a woman can do and can not do something because they were born like that or was it because of the result of our culture that was there for ages? We might agree or disagree. But we respect each others' opinions and views. And we might get a new perspective to think about at the end of the discussion.

On how people are labeling and judging other people
(picture source Goulash Pot Facebook page)

We also did a lot of role plays. One of them was about sharing our experiences of living in Hungary. As a foreigner, we have experienced racism in some form or another. Some of us got discriminated because of our country of origin, some of us got bullied because what we wear, some of us got harsh comments because of the skin color, and some of us got different treatment because we speak a different language. We shared these experiences and discussed what we could do and how to deal with them.

On being inside and outside of the circle
(picture source Goulash Pot Facebook page)

At the end of the training, two of the most engaged participant got prizes. They were Nahed from Egypt and Eddie from Tunisia. But what I feel is that we all got the prizes. We got new friends, new experiences, and new perspectives on things in life. We left the training with a warm feeling and a richer mind.

On the last day of the training. (picture credit: Husnah Manwan)

P:S: Check out the training page on the Facebook: mighelp's goulash pot.  They are opening the registration for the new group.

Movie Review: Arranged

Directors: Diane Crespo, Stefan C. Schaefer
Writers: Stefan C. Schaefer, Yuta Silverman
Stars: Zoe Lister-Jones, Francis Benhamou, Mimi Lieber, John Rothman, Sarah Lord 
Country: USA
In Theaters: Mar 11, 2007 
Running Time: 1h 30m 
Genres: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Movie trailer: https://youtu.be/YJ50OHibLq0

From IMDB:
Arranged centers on the friendship between an Orthodox Jewish woman and a Muslim woman who meet as first-year teachers at a public school in Brooklyn. Over the course of the year they learn they share much in common - not least of which is that they are both going through the process of arranged marriages.

I had no idea what to expect when this movie appeared on the recommendation section on Youtube. Usually, I am watching Hallmark kind of movies to accompany me while I work. The kind of a light, nice, happy movie that is good enough to keep me awake but I will forget as soon as I finish it. Well, Arranged is different. It is not your usual romantic comedy movie. It's a feelgood movie that left an impression. A movie with a positive message that sums up in the tag line "Friendship has no religion"

The acting of the two main characters Rochel, the Orthodox Jewish, and Nasira, the Muslim, are flawless. They are so natural portraying the characters. I almost believed it was a documentary movie.

Their friendship started when one of the students in the class mentioned that the two women can not be friends because he heard Muslims want to kill Jews. They see it as the opportunity to teach children about differences and to overcome prejudices through an activity that Rochel come up to help Nasira. They are already suspecting that they have more in common than any other women in the school when they are sitting alone at lunch time while the other women are talking about boys and party. As they get to know each other better, they find out that they are also facing the same thing: their families are arranging their marriages according to their traditions.

I feel the movie on a spiritual level as I happen to be a Muslim living in Europe. I am trying to fit in the foreign country I live in, while not give in my faith and culture. It is difficult when you are the minority and have to face a lot of prejudices. I feel it when people feel sorry for Jews and Muslims living in a "traditional way". It never comes to their mind that by any chance it is their choice to live according to their faiths and it fits them. This view was portrayed by principal Jacob, the principal of the school where the two women work as teachers. She disapproved the two women's lifestyle. She assumed that Nasira was wearing a hijab because her father forced her to do so. She thought she was helping them when she was trying to give them money so that they could buy "normal" clothes.

People feel sorry for me because I am wearing hijab, especially in the summer. I got bullied when I was wearing a burkini in the women's day bath (my bad not knowing that most of them would be naked  XD) Some people told me that it is ok to take off my hijab here because I am far from my country. No, I am not oppressed in Indonesia and please do not force me to try alcohol even it is only tiny-winy itsy-bitsy..yellow polka-dot bikini..

I do understand their prejudice. It is because the little knowledge they have about the subject and all those news on the media. But what makes me sad is that even other Muslims advise me not to be a "too Muslim" here... what the...

What people see as normal is what the majority of the people do. When you are different you are on the wrong side. Why can not we see the differences as something different and that's it. It's not better or worse or negative. It's just different and it's normal.

Anyway, it is not a naive thing to believe that an Orthodox Jewish woman and a Muslim woman can be BFF.  Or friendship between different religions or friendship between religious and non-religious people. It is possible and it is happening in the real world despite what happens "online". ( I am talking to you Indonesian netizen :P)

Oh well, let me close my rambling writing which supposed to be a movie review with this writing by Paulo Coelho:

 

Let me repeat the last sentence:

"If you were to look with more love, you would mainly see what we have in common, then half the world's problems would be solved"

Mielőtt Menekülőre Fognánk - Finding Refuge Through Gastronomy. First Evening: Indonesia

Mighelp (Migrants' Help Association of Hungary), an NGO established by refugees and their supporters in Budapest, in collaboration with Local Food in Budapest - Szatyor Shopping Community brought the taste of Indonesia to the local community. This event aims to introduce and break down prejudice against refugees and migrants who arrive in Hungary from distant cultures through open discussion around the dinner table. Indonesia had the honor to be the first country participated in this event.

The team with the Szatyor bolt owner

We were invited to organize this event as we are currently participating or has participated in one of the Mighelp courses. There were three of us Indonesians with one mission: conquering people in Budapest who were foreign or only has a little knowledge about Indonesia by giving comfort to their stomach :D With that on the mind, we need to have good weapons. The thing was, we had no experience in catering or cooking for a big group of people. The menu was chosen by how easy they were to make and the availability of the ingredients in Budapest.   

So here were what on our table:

Starter: Gado Gado (Salad served with peanut dressing). The peanuts dressing were still being prepared :P

Main course: Nasi Goreng (Fried rice)

  Dessert: Dadar Gulung (Rolled pancake coconut filled)

We gladly accommodated all the food requirement of the guests. All the food were vegetarian. We did not use any meat in our ingredients. One of the ladies from Palestine couldn't eat the dadar gulung as it contained eggs. But she gladly tasted the coconut filled when we offered her the leftover filling.  A Portuguese man had a high level of spicy intolerant. He could not eat the nasi goreng which we thought it was not spicy at all, oh well it was for us Indonesian. :P  Thanks God nobody had allergic to peanuts or else they would have been missed the heavenly taste of gado-gado.


The dinner went with lively conversations and end well. The guests were not only Hungarian but from other countries as well: Canada, Palestine, Lebanon, Sierra Leone, Australia, and Portugal. With what is happening now in this world this event was really important. We were sitting in one table no matter who you were, a native, an immigrant or a refugee and no matter where you came from. We were talking and eating like one big happy family. Hopefully, people left with a better understanding of each other culture and broke down all the prejudices. Or at least they could tell people that Indonesian people are nice and Indonesian food are delicious. Happy tummy happy world :) 

Ramadan di Hongaria

Menjalani ibadah puasa Ramadan di negara dengan umat muslim yang minoritas memang bukan perkara mudah. Apalagi ketika bulan Ramadan jatuh di musim panas di mana matahari betah berlama-lama sehingga menyisakan malam hanya beberapa jam saja.  Selain suhu udara bisa mencapai  40 derajat celcius, waktu berpuasa di musim panas menjadi lebih lama, sekitar 18 jam. Akibatnya jadwal salat isya pun jatuh mendekati tengah malam membuat waktu salat tarawih dan waktu sahur hanya berselang  1-2 jam saja.  Mau tak mau jadwal tidur malam pun berganti menjadi setelah salat subuh.

Hal ini yang saya alami di bulan Ramadan  tahun 2013 kali ini yang merupakan Ramadan ke tiga saya di Budapest, ibu kota Hongaria, sebuah negara kecil di tengah-tengah benua Eropa.  

Islam  di Hongaria sendiri merupakan bagian dari sejarah panjang negara ini. Salah satunya karena pernah menjadi daerah kekuasaan Turki Ottoman selama lebih dari 150 tahun (1541-1699). Sayangnya, tidak ada lagi jejak Islam yang signifikan tertinggal di sini.  

Tomb of Gül Baba : Makam tokoh Islam Turki Ottoman di Budapest

Populasi umat muslim di Hongaria yang hanya berjumlah sekitar 60.000 orang dari total 10 juta penduduk Hongaria menjadikan Islam sebagai sesuatu yang asing  bagi warga Hongaria saat ini. Saya sudah terbiasa mendapatkan tatapan aneh dari orang – orang karena mengenakan jilbab. Jadi bisa dibayangkan tanggapan mereka mengetahui umat Islam harus berpuasa sebulan penuh apalagi di musim panas.

 ’’Berpuasa untuk tidak makan masih bisa diterima tapi tidak minum?? ’’, ucap seorang teman sambil menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya. ’’ Puasa Ramadan hanya untuk orang Arab, tidak cocok untuk kita di Hongaria’’, tambahnya lagi. Maklum di sini orang mengindentikan  Islam lebih kepada adat dan istiadat Timur Tengah daripada sebuah agama yang universal.

Lain lagi ceritanya ketika saya diundang makan malam di rumah salah seorang sanak keluarga. Sang tuan rumah berkali-kali menyibakan tirai jendela, kemudian dia berkata, ’’ Lihat matahari sudah tidak terlihat lagi, apakah kamu sudah bisa makan sekarang?”. Padahal saat itu keadaan masih terang benderang karena matahari hanya tertutup awan dan waktu berbuka masih sekitar setengah jam lagi.

Tahun pertama saya berpuasa di Budapest terasa lebih berat karena waktunya yang lebih panjang dan suasana Ramadan tidak terasa sama sekali. Mayoritas teman –teman saya saat itu tidak ada yang berpuasa. Semua berjalan seperti hari –hari biasa. Justru disitulah tantangan terberat untuk tetap menjalankan ibadah sebagai seorang muslim minoritas.  Dengan berjalannya waktu, saya mulai mengenal banyak umat muslim dan beberapa komunitas Islam di Hongaria. Hal ini membantu saya menjalani Ramadan di Hongaria menjadi lebih ringan.

Sejauh yang saya tahu ada sekitar 5 mesjid di Budapest,  dan tiga diantaranya sering saya kunjungi selama Ramadan.  Setiap hari di mesjid-mesjid tersebut selalu disediakan makanan berbuka puasa . Susu dan kurma merupakan kombinasi yang biasa dihidangkan sebagai takjil. Setelah Salat magrib berjamaah, mengikuti kebiasaan makan orang Hongaria, menu berbuka puasa selalu diawali oleh sup kemudian barulah makanan berat dan buah-buahan sebagai penutup dihidangkan. 

Mesjid terbesar di Hungary

Tidak ketinggalan Kedutaan Republik Indonesia di Budapest pun menyelengarakan buka puasa bersama rutin setiap hari Jumat bagi masyarakat Indonesia. Hal ini menjadi wadah berkumpulnya masyarakat Indonesia di Budapest, yang jumlahnya tidak seberapa, saat Ramadan dan pengobat rindu akan masakan indonesia. 

Yang menarik setelah saya perhatikan ada perbedaan jadwal salat di tiap-tiap mesjid. Terutama untuk salat isha dan subuh. Perbedaanya bisa sampai setengah jam lebih. Mungkin karena perhitungan yang mereka gunakan berbeda-beda. Tentu saja saya memilih untuk salat tarawih di mesjid yang mempunyai jadwal salat isha lebih cepat.  Selain tarawihnya selesai lebih cepat kami pun bisa pulang tidak terlalu malam. Tapi sayang tidak ada perbedaan waktu yang signifikan dalam hal adzan magrib...:)

Tulisan ini di buat atas permintaan teman (sangat) baik saya untuk diterbitkan sebagai rangkaian cerita Ramadhan di media online tempat suaminya bekerja. Sudah lama sekali saya tidak menulis. Bahkan terakhir nulis di blog ini pun tahun 2011 ( kalo barang dah berdebu, karatan, banyak binatang2 kecil...hiii). Setelah menulis cerita ini jadi termotivasi lagi buat menulis tentang pengalaman selama di negeri orang ini.  link ke media dimana cerita ini diterbitkan :  Cerita menjalani puasa Ramadan di Hongaria

Culture Shock : Toilet

I notice I've written about this before. I can't help, toilet's always be my first problem when going abroad. I'm just not comfortable with European kind of toilet with no water, toilet paper only. I know it's not as uncomfortable as people are watching you while you're doing private thing in toilet.

(*A toilet in Newzealand. Wondering what kind of expression you can bear guys? :D)

My only problem with toilet is I need water! Ok, Actually, these days even in Indonesia you can find this kind of toilet especially in big mall or luxury hotels that none of them using water anymore. I can take it in occasionally event but deal with that everyday is other thing.

Can you imagine when you poo while you are in period also and what you have only toilet paper to clean your a**?! yupe that's double "eeew". I told this to hubby and we decided to find something to end my misery. Instead of finding bailer and bucket we found this:

yupe it's a jug measurement. :D Couldn't find any better to substitute those.. If one day you happen to visit me and find that thing in my bathroom..you know what's that for ; )

*The toilet picture's taken from here

Bule Poo VS Indonesian Poo*

* Don’t read this while you eat :D
Have you ever noticed that what you eat can be seen obviously when you poo? And it’s effected on how you clean it?

err.. no i don't mean this..:D

Or this:

I (literary) scream for (this) ice scream..:P

Anyway, when I was in Hungary for a bout 2 weeks, I ate potatoes, cheese, pasta and those kind of stuff everyday. It does make my poo harder and darker. I used tissue papers to clean it. I didn’t have any problem coz as I said before the poo was harder so it didn’t leave anything on my a**hole. Yet, I still feel dirty without washing it with water. I had no choice anyway. No toilet is provided with bowl of water there. And when it comes to my Indonesian poo that is softer and lighter, I need water and soap. I can imagine the mess I leave on the tissue paper if so. Eeeeww..

Not even these a lot of toilet papers can substitute water in my case.

I noticed too this differences has influenced to how we spend the time while we poo. For Instance one of my hubby’s habit is looking for a book to read first before he goes to toilet. Yeah, because the poo is hard, it takes time to go out. He can spend almost half hour in the toilet. Unlike me, 5 minutes are the longest time to spend in normal situation. I just take my position, ready, get set and done! :D

A Nintendo Wii, a laptop, a flat screen TV, an iPod...in a toilet? ok I'll spend hours in the toilet in that case :P

Oh well, perhaps, this is way we have different “toilet culture”...I was just wondering..
-2008-
-Those two shitty food are available in this restaurant here
-Toilet papers toilet image is taken from here and a lucky woman has won that pink modern toilet from here.